Sexually Stagnant

Never thought I could ever be this desperate for some(any) type of sexual interaction with another(male) person. I was not happier when I was slut, but I was certainly less sexually frustrated. I realize this is a very personal post, but whatever, I need a man. My basic requirements(in no particular order):

• A working sexual organ and a healthy sexual appetite
• Not physically/ psychologically dependent on any drug: prescription, illicit, alcohol, etc.
• Has a driver's license and a car, as I cannot currently drive(45 days left!)
• Not physically repulsive meaning he has a neck and nice teeth, also he should not grossly obese or hairy
• Nice, kind, not a complete asshole
• Knows how to work a telephone and does so on a regular basis
• Likes sports and/or music, especially college football
• Has a modicum of manners
• At least of average intelligence
• Not currently married, engaged, in a commited relationship

I personally don't think this is too much to ask. Maybe it is, but it really shouldn't be. Know anyone who fits these criteria? Hook a sister up.